


it still hurts underneath my scars

by mockingbirdd



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Kim Mingyu is a Sweetheart, Light Angst, M/M, minwon's friendship is beautiful, side soonwoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:34:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28519473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mockingbirdd/pseuds/mockingbirdd
Summary: under the light of jeonghan and jisoo’s kitchen, mingyu thinks it would be easy to fall in love with minghao.
Relationships: Kim Mingyu/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Comments: 16
Kudos: 78





	it still hurts underneath my scars

**Author's Note:**

> hello and welcome to my first seventeen fanfic. this one is really special for me and i’ve put a lot of me in it, so i really hope you’ll like it. title from hoax by taylor swift (folklore and evermore are basically the soundtrack for this story).
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: mentions and descriptions of anxiety attacks.
> 
> please read the final notes!

“but, hyung--”

“no, you’re coming.”

“hyung, i’m really tired.”

“so am i. c’mon, we’re already late.”

mingyu growls and follows wonwoo to his car. he puts on his seatbelt and crosses his arms.

“stop pouting, it’s just a party.”

“i don’t like parties, you know that.”

“i know, but it’s seokmin’s birthday, you have to go, everybody is going.”

“who exactly are everybody?”

“everybody.”

“wonwoo.”

“seungcheol, jisoo, jeonghan, jihoon, soonyoung.”

“who else?”

wonwoo sighs.

“yes, mingyu, yugyeom is coming.”

“i can’t believe you did this to me, wonwoo.”

he arches his eyebrow and mingyu rolls his eyes.

“i can’t believe you did this to me, _wonwoo-hyung_.”

“you can’t run away from him forever, you have the same friends.”

“we split the group, i got jeongguk and jaehyun, he got bambam and eunwoo. i thought seokmin was by my side too, but apparently i was mistaken.”

“you sound like a kid.” he sighs again. “look, gyu, i know you don’t want to run into your ex boyfriend, but it’s your friend’s birthday. one of you _best friends_ , actually. and it’s been months.”

“i know, but it was-- intense.”

“i know, you slept and cried on my couch for an entire week.”

“thank you for that, by the way.”

“yeah, anytime.” he smiles. “you don’t have to talk to him, i’ll be by your side the whole time, okay? don’t worry.”

“okay, okay. thank you.”

they stay in a comfortable silence for the rest of the ride to the party, the streets still busy since it’s friday. earlier that day, mingyu thought he would stay at home and binge watch some drama on netflix, but not even ten minutes after he finished his work wonwoo was at his door, pushing him to his wardrobe and making him change outfits.

he really was tired, it had been a tough week at work and writing for his masters thesis, so he had a workload of things to do. he hadn’t gone out for months, meeting only wonwoo and soonyoung sometimes and, even more rarely, seokmin. working from home had advantages, but the problem was that he would stay days without talking out loud and listening to other people's voices.

so, yeah, he was kinda glad to go see his friends - even with the possibility of running into his ex.

of course he would never admit it.

when they got to jeonghan and jisoo’s place, they could already listen to the music from outside, some r&b thing that mingyu was sure had been chosen by soonyoung.

wonwoo pulls him by his arm like he would run away (...he might) and they go inside. there were around fifty or sixty people inside, dancing, drinking and eating. mingyu sees soonyoung and jihoon arguing over the dj’s table and scoffs. 

“hey, mingyu, you made it!” he hears and turns around, seeing seungcheol coming to hug them.

“wonwoo literally pulled me here,” he answers smiling at the eldest. “where is seokmin?”

“somewhere,” he laughs and hugs wonwoo too. “he was at the kitchen talking to jeonghan about something, but it’s been a while since i saw him.”

“who else is here?” wonwoo looks around.

“i saw jeongguk and jaehyun earlier, momo, jihyo and sana are also already here. i think i heard seungkwan’s voice, but i’m not sure. there are drinks in the kitchen and across the living room is the food’s table.”

“thanks, hyung. c’mon, mingyu.”

“are you driving after?”

“probably not, i’ll just leave my car here and pick up tomorrow. look, it’s jisoo.”

“wonwoo, mingyu! hey, guys.”

“hey, hyung. you look amazing with blonde hair.”

“thank you, sweetie,” he opens a huge smile. mingyu thinks that if jeonghan wasn’t so scary he would totally have a crush on jisoo. “seokmin is arguing with jeonghan in the kitchen, you two should go there before he gets killed on his own birthday.”

he goes to the direction of soonyoung and jihoon, that apparently had found a consensus towards the playlist.

when mingyu and wonwoo finally enters the kitchen, they see jeonghan with his hands on his hips and a scowl on his face. seokmin, on the other hand, looking scared and uncomfortable.

“hey, what happened?” wonwoo asks and the two guys turns to them. “happy birthday, seokmin!”

“he doesn’t deserve it.”

“why not?” mingyu asks across the room, pouring vodka and grape juice in a cup. “wonwoo, what do you want to drink?”

“make the same for me.”

“okay.”

“so, why seokmin doesn’t deserve a happy birthday?”

“because he invited _you know who_.” jeonghan’s voice turns into a whisper, but mingyu could still hear him. he smiles, jeonghan cared more than he would let people see.

“i already told him about it,” wonwoo says and jeonghan growls.

“why would you do that?”

“because he needed to know before getting here!”

“hm, guys?” everyone looks at him. “can you not talk like i ain’t here?” he gives wonwoo’s cup to him. “look, jeonghan-hyung, i really appreciate you worrying about me, but the truth is that sooner or later we would run into each other. at least here i have all of you with me.”

“you’re not angry?” seokmin finally asks.

“i’m a little bit, but it’s your birthday, seok, you can invite whoever you want. yugyeom is your friend, it’s okay.” seokmin smiles. “and happy birthday!”

jeonghan sighs and goes over to the drink’s table.

“okay okay, everything is fine. let’s drink a round. wonwoo, you can leave your car’s keys in my bedroom.” he passes the shots’ glasses to everyone. “to seokmin!”

“seokmin!” they yell and drink it. the vodka burns mingyu’s throat and he knows he’s pulling a face.

“i’m gonna put my keys away before i end up losing them. wanna come?” wonwoo asks mingyu.

“don’t worry, i’m gonna talk to soonyoung and jihoon.”

“i’ll be right back.”

mingyu smiles at his friend’s back. wonwoo saw the worst of him after he and yugyeom broke up and he really loves him for worrying so much.

he grabs his cup and goes to the living room. there were lots of people he didn’t know, seokmin’s popularity was no joke. he searches for his friends and sees jeonghan already pulling jisoo to the dance floor, hansol and seungkwan talking to momo and some other girl that he figured was her new girlfriend, jihoon showing soonyoung something on his phone. he was thinking of which conversation he was going to get in when someone puts his arms around his shoulders.

“what’s up, man?” he looks and smiles at jaehyun. “long time no see.”

“i’ve been pretty busy.”

“i figured. how are you?”

they fall into easy conversation and soon jeongguk and eunwoo joins them. ever since his break up, their group had been split up and he hadn’t realised how much he misses them until that moment. he joked about it to wonwoo, but he was actually hurt.

their group had been friends for years and after jeongguk and jaehyun dated and broke up and everything continued the same, mingyu and yugyeom thought they could do the same. _even if we break up we’ll still be friends_ , yugyeom said to him. he believed.

not exactly how things ended up happening though.

he’s already tipsy when bambam and yugyeom finally appears in his line of vision and mingyu realises that,

well, 

maybe he isn’t that ready to see him.

“gonna find wonwoo,” he whispers and leaves quickly before anyone else can try stopping him.

he goes to the backyard, the cold wind hitting his face and sobering him up a little. a few people were sitting on the grass and he sees wonwoo sprawled near the pool sharing a joint with soonyoung. he approaches them and probably there was something on his face, because wonwoo immediately pulls him to sit between his legs.

“what happened?” 

“nothing.”

both wonwoo and soonyoung looks at him sympathetically and soonyoung gives him the joint. mingyu inhales deeply, blowing the smoke and listening to his friends resuming the conversation, something about a new tv show they were watching.

he cuddles closer to wonwoo’s chest while smoking, feeling his hand running through his hair and soonyoung playing with his free hand while talking. sometimes he thinks about how he doesn’t deserve his friends at all.

"who's that?” soonyoung asks and mingyu and wonwoo frowns. soonyoung knows _everyone._

they turn around and see two tall guys talking to seokmin and giving him hugs. they dress like models and the one with black hair looks slightly familiar to mingyu, although he couldn’t say why. seokmin calls jisoo and introduces him to the guys and then to jeonghan when he joins the group too. they talk for a while before the unknown ones go back inside and the other three continue talking.

“they look pretty.”

“you didn’t even see their faces,” mingyu snorts at soonyoung.

“but i can tell they were pretty.”

“you really don’t know who they are?” wonwoo asks and soonyoung shakes his head.

“no idea. probably seokmin’s friends from work?”

“what the fuck does he work with?” mingyu asks.

they stay in silence for a minute.

“oh my god, i actually have no idea,” soonyoung pouts. “he never talked about it? why?”

“jisoo probably knows, let’s ask him later. mingyu, pass it around, dude.”

mingyu gives the joint to wonwoo and tries to see inside the house. he feels like he should know the guy, it was on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn’t remember.

then soonyoung starts to cough and wonwoo laughs and he forgets about the guy.

  
  
  


it’s after eleven pm when he finally discovers why he felt like he knew the guy.

it was xu fucking minghao.

“isn’t he the man of your dreams?”

“shut up, wonwoo.” he whispers-yells at his friend.

seokmin finally introduced the guys to his friends, explaining that they did a project at work together.

(“but what does seokmin work with?” soonyoung asked mingyu.

“i still have no idea.”)

luckily, wonwoo was the only one who knew about his admiration for xu minghao. it was actually kinda of embarrassing and if jeonghan or soonyoung knew he would never hear the end of it.

“so you guys are models?” seungcheol asks, giving each a beer.

he and jihoon had joined them on the grass of the backyard, soon followed by jeonghan and jisoo. an hour later, seokmin came to them with the two new guys.

“yeah. i’m also an actor and minghao is a dancer.” the guy, junhui, says. he had an accent that mingyu couldn’t place.

“a dancer? really? so am i! where do you usually dance?” soonyoung perks at that, smiling at minghao.

“there’s this place in myeongdong called _the8_ , i don’t know if you heard of.” minghao has a tickier accent - but this time mingyu actually knows why.

“i don’t think so.”

“it’s small. where do you dance?”

“it’s called _pledis,_ in hongdae. we should dance together some time, gimme your number.” he gives his cellphone and minghao hesitates for a second before grabbing it.

“where are your guys from? i can’t place your accents.”

“oh, we’re both from china,” junhui answers wonwoo. “i’m from shenzhen and minghao is from anshan, but we met here.”

“it’s always good to find someone from home in a different country, huh,” jisoo smiles at them.

junhui turns out to be more talkative than minghao, who mostly stayed quiet and sometimes would answer something from seungcheol. wonwoo would giggle to mingyu and after a while he didn’t know if it was because he knew mingyu’s secret or if it was because he was high as fuck.

they all go inside at midnight to sing happy birthday to seokmin and mingyu sees yugyeom across the living room. the guy actually has the audacity to give him a small smile and wave at him. his mom thought him to be polite, so mingyu couldn’t just ignore him completely. he gives a nod and steps closer to wonwoo, the eldest puts an arm around his shoulders without asking and continues to sing.

after it, jihoon decides to leave, taking hansol with him, and seungkwan (losing his partner in crime) sits with them. mingyu, already sleepy, leans into jisoo and just listens to his friends talking. he sees jaehyun, jeongguk, bambam and eunwoo in the same group with yugyeom and he feels betrayed. of course he couldn’t make his friends stop talking with his ex, but his petty side kinda wanted them to choose him. _it’s not a competition,_ a voice that resembles a lot like wonwoo’s says in his mind.

his phone vibrates on his pocket and he checks to see the message.

**jaehyun**

im sorry bro

wanna hang out tmrw?

he raises his eyes and sees jaehyun smiling at him across the room. the sweetest guy ever.

**mingyu**

im busy tmrw but thanks

lets hang out next week

he puts down his phone and asks jisoo if he wants more wine. the eldest says no and mingyu gets on his feet. when he enters the kitchen though he sees minghao standing in front of the sink, washing dishes. he puts more wine on his glass and sits at the countertop. 

"what are you doing?" he asks, sipping at his glass and giggling. 

"washing dishes,” minghao gives a small scoff.

"you know you don't have to, right? jisoo and jeonghan have a dishwasher."

"i know, but since i wasn't really invited i wanted to help somehow."

“don’t you know seokmin, though?”

“i do, but we aren’t close, he’s closer with junhui, but when he invited him i was at the same place and seokmin is too polite to not invite me too.”

mingyu laughs and minghao shrugs in return, a shy smile on his face.

he continues to wash the dishes while mingyu observes him. minghao doesn’t seem to mind the attention, even humming some song to himself. because of that - and maybe because he’s dizzy and feeling soft inside - mingyu starts to speak without a warning.

"you know, a few years ago you did an interview for a chinese magazine, you probably don't even remember and i also don’t remember the name of it. but something you said stuck to me." he stares at the wall. "you said that you were feeling suffocated and wanted to escape that feeling, and that's why you started to paint. i don't know why, but that stayed on my mind. i'm a writer and sometimes i'm feeling something that i don't know how to put into words or i'm scared that if i do, it will become too real. so i decided to give a try to painting and it really helped. whenever i was feeling too many things, it helped me, until today." he finally looks at minghao again and finds him staring, his hands still holding a glass, the detergent foam up to his wrists. mingyu smiles - _so soft_. "i should really thank you for the way you've been helping all these years without even knowing it. so, thank you, minghao."

"i think that was the nicest thing someone has ever said to me."

mingyu laughs.

"do you have pictures of your paintings?"

"i don't because i never show to anyone, it's just a way to express myself but," he bites his lip and avoids minghao's eyes, "i would really like to show you, if you'd be willing to go to my apartment with me. someday."

"i'd love to." minghao gives a warm smile. “thank you for saying all that, mingyu.”

“yeah.”

minghao finishes washing everything and dries his hands, getting a clean glass and putting on some wine for himself. he clinks his glass with mingyu’s.

“for painting and expressing ourselves.”

mingyu giggles and takes a sip, watching minghao doing the same. the chinese then gives him a smirk.

“so, you’re my fan?”

“not really.” he feels his cheeks getting warm. “i like fashion in general. hey, don’t look at me like that!” he yells after seeing minghao checking him out head to toe. “i really like fashion, i’m just kinda bad at dressing myself, that’s all.”

“you look fine.”

 _he means your clothes, mingyu, he was checking out your_ clothes, _not you,_ he tells himself again.

“anyway! i like fashion, so i know a few models, that’s why i know you.”

minghao hums. “you always read interviews?”

“yeah, it’s interesting. i didn’t know junhui, though.”

“he did more things in china than here.”

“i also didn’t know you’re a dancer. handsome, an artist and a dancer? that’s a full package you have.”

minghao stares at him and mingyu closes his eyes. damn, when did he become so bad at flirting? but then the chinese starts to laugh hard and almost spills his wine on the floor and mingyu sighs.

“if this was your way of flirting you’re kinda bad at it.”

“how can you say that to my face? don’t you have a heart?” he pretends to be offended and ends up just making minghao laugh even harder. 

(it’s okay, though, it’s a beautiful laugh.)

“i’m sorry. but you have to admit it was bad.”

“i know. it’s been a while since i tried to flirt with someone.”

“you should do it more.”

“i’ll try, dad.”

wonwoo then enters the kitchen and arches an eyebrow at them.

“hey, gyu, i’m leaving now with soonyoung and seungcheol said he can take you home.”

“isn’t he sleeping here tonight?”

“no, he has to work early tomorrow and you know jisoo and jeonghan.” wonwoo rolls his eyes. “so, you okay with that?”

“sure, i’ll talk to seungcheol, thanks.”

“we’ll talk tomorrow. bye, minghao, was nice to meet you,” he extends a hand and minghao shaks it. “i hope to see you around more often now that you met everyone.”

“sure, me too.”

“bye, hyung.”

mingyu looks at minghao, who was squinting at the kitchen door.

“so, wonwoo and soonyoung? i couldn’t imagine, to be honest.” 

“they’ve been dating for longer than jisoo and jeonghan.”

“what?” minghao’s eyes wides. 

“five years, i think? something like that. i still think it’s so cute, i’ll never get over it.”

“and seungcheol, jisoo and jeonghan? they have crazy chemistry.”

“it’s crazy, actually. pay attention, okay?” minghao rolls his eyes and takes a gulp of his wine. “when they were in high school, seungcheol dated jeonghan for almost two years. then they broke up and never saw each other again and seungcheol dated jisoo for a little over a year at college and then they also broke up. few years later, he goes to seungkwan’s birthday party and finds out that jeonghan and jisoo are dating.”

“oh my god.”

“and it could be a mess, but they were all really chill and in the end seungcheol became friends with them again. really close friends, the three of them were attached to the hip. and then a few months ago, they had a threesome and now every now and then they do it again.”

“wow. i’m impressed.”

“at the beginning we were afraid they would get hurt, but now it seems to work really well.”

“who else is dating in the group?”

“no one else, although jihoon and soonyoung had a friends with benefits thing for a while until soon met wonwoo and i’m pretty sure seungkwan and hansol are in love with each other.”

“i never had a big group of friends, so everything is pretty crazy for me.”

“you’ve been in korea for how long?”

“almost three years now.” he pours more wine on his and mingyu’s glasses. “i became friends with two fellow models called sicheng and victoria, but then they moved back to china and i was kinda alone until i met junhui and yibo. i’m not really good at making friends,” he shrugs. “then junhui brough chan along and he stuck to me too. yibo is always travelling between korea and china because of work and his boyfriend, who lives in beijing, so we don’t hang out really often.”

“yibo is the actor from the legend of fei?”

“yeah.”

“he’s great.”

“he’s pretty amazing.”

“well, now you have all of us too,” he pokes minghao’s hip with his foot. “everyone liked you, you and junhui are part of the group now if you want to.”

“thank you.” he says but mingyu just dismisses it with his hand.

“you guys are cool. and besides, being friends with seokmin is already a good way to test your character.”

“he’s a great guy.”

“he’s the greatest, but don’t tell him i said that, he’ll remember it forever.”

“deal.”

minghao drinks from his glasses, his eyes on mingyu.

“you’re also really cool, mingyu.” he then smiles. “you’re blushing, that’s cute.”

“shut up.”

“do you have a crush on me?”

“what if i do?”

“i’d be honor to have someone so pretty crushing on me.”

“oh for fuck’s sake,” he whines and minghao laughs.

“the two of you are done flirting?” they hear and look at the door, finding seokmin frowning with his hands on his waist. “mingyu, make seungcheol leave before jeonghan and jisoo convince him to stay, he has a lot of things to do tomorrow.”

“on my way.” he leaves his glass on the sink and walks over to seokmin, suddenly stopping and turning around to look at minghao.

minghao looks ethereal. his cheeks flushed and pink, his hair a little messy, the two first buttons of his shirt open, a silver necklace resting against his chest. 

under the light of jeonghan and jisoo’s kitchen, mingyu thinks it would be easy to fall in love with him.

“i’ll see you around?”

minghao smiles.

“yeah, you will.”

◇◇◇

“so,” wonwoo starts and mingyu growls.

“shut up.”

“you don’t even know what i’m going to say.”

“yes i do.”

“no you don’t.”

“what are you talking about?” soonyoung asks from the couch.

“nothing,” they say together.

“please don’t tell soonyoung, he will never stop teasing me,” mingyu whispers.

“i won’t, don’t worry.”

“stop whispering, i wanna know too!” he screams again.

“stop being such a gossip!” wonwoo yells back. “okay, no jokes now. how’s he like?”

“you met him. he’s nice and funny.”

“made your crush worse?”

“totally,” mingyu growls again. “i wish he was dumb and a bad guy, you know? but he’s sassy and confident and he kinda flirted back with me.”

“you got his number?”

“actually no.”

“why the fuck?”

“i don’t know, seokmin came to ask me to take seungcheol away and i was already dizzy, it slipped from my mind.”

“well, at least now he’ll probably hang out with us again.”

wonwoo was right, but it took over three months to happen. not only mingyu was really busy with his life, minghao also was. so in the few times mingyu hang out with his friends, he never saw him, only junhui - who apparently also became close to jihoon and jisoo. 

one friday, when they were in a bar, junhui said he himself hadn’t seen minghao since seokmin’s party.

so when mingyu opens the door of the dance room and sees minghao dancing with soonyoung, his brain kinda stops working. they were both painting and sweaty, a younger guy sitting in front of them with his back against the mirror, observing their moves attently.

mingyu tries not to make a sound to not disturb them and closes the door, leaning against the wall and watching them.

he always loved watching soonyoung dancing, he was born for it and moved like it was something easy (it wasn’t, mingyu learned). minghao was also gracious, but in a different way. soonyoung’s moves were more fluid while minghao’s were sharper. they were clearly specialized in different types of dances, what made it even more interesting to watch them together.

when the song stops, soonyoung throws himself on the ground, whining.

“i’m exhausted.”

“what do you think, chan?” minghao asks the guy.

“in the chorus you’re still not synchronized, you two should focus more on that part and then try everything again.”

“okay, but next week. i’m tired.” soonyoung whines again from the floor. minghao laughs at him and goes to grab his bottle of water, startling when he sees mingyu.

“mingyu?”

“what?” soonyoung lifts his body and stares at his friend. “what are you doing here?”

“wonwoo got stuck at work and asked me to pick you up.”

“i have the best boyfriend ever,” he says.

“shut up, i’m the one who drove here.”

minghao laughs.

“what’s up, mingyu?”

“hey, minghao. that’s where you’ve been hiding? junhui complained the other week.”

“it’s a coincidence, actually. soonyoung has been bugging me for weeks and my schedule was calmer today, so i came.”

“hey! you make me seem like a bad guy.”

“no, he doesn’t.” the other guy scoffs and rolls his eyes. “hi, i’m chan, i didn’t really want to be here.”

“hi, chan, i’m mingyu, nice to meet you.”

“chan is also a dancer, so he came to help, it’s good to have a second opinion.”

“are you guys done? i can give you two a ride too.”

“thank you, mingyu, but i don’t need to.” chan gets up from the floor and stretches before grabbing his backpack.

“hey, you brat, mingyu is older than you, show some respect.”

“sure, ahjussi,” chan does a 90 degrees bow to soonyoung.

“oh god,” minghao laughs.

soonyoung tries to hit chan but he swiftly slides away from his reach.

“hao hyung, can i come over to your place on saturday? i need help with an assignment.”

“sure, come for lunch, i’ll make you jiǎozi.”

“you’re my favorite hyung.”

“yeah, say that in front of junhui.”

“never. see ya!” he says and leaves the room.

“seriously, that kid's a brat, i can’t handle him.”

“you love him.”

“why doesn’t he call me hyung?” soonyoung asks, sitting on the floor and staring at the chinese. “and, minghao, why did you never offer to make dumplings for me?”

“because you call them dumplings.” he takes off his shirt and mingyu blushes, looking away. he grabs a clean one on his stuff and puts it on. “mingyu, i’ll accept your ride.”

“sure. c’mon, soonyoung.”

“no one calls me hyung, no one respects me in this shit.” he mumbles to himself while getting his things, making mingyu and minghao giggle.

they get inside mingyu’s car, soonyoung in the front and minghao in the backseat.

“are you going to wonwoo’s or yours?”

“wonwoo’s.”

“okay, so it’s closer and then i’ll take minghao home.”

“that’s okay for me,” minghao says, tapping something on his phone.

“thank you for coming, mingyu, i know you’re really busy with your thesis.”

“no problem, soon. it’s good to leave my house for a bit too.”

“still staying days without seeing anyone else?”

“it happens. wonwoo dropped by two days ago and it was the first time i saw someone in two weeks i think.”

“that’s unhealthy.”

“i know,” he sighs. “it’s not on purpose.”

“i know it isn’t,” soonyoung rests his head against the seat and looks at mingyu, his voice getting softer. “i’ll try to visit you more.”

“you don’t have to, i know you have your things too.”

“i want to. can i?”

“yeah, of course,” mingyu smiles. “you can come whenever you want, hyung.”

soonyoung nods and grabs his phone.

“hey, minghao, when do you think you’ll have time again to practice?” he looks over to the backseat.

“i think next week my schedule will be better. i’ll text you.”

“will you really? you’re a terrible texter.” soonyoung squints his eyes and tries to look angry.

“i am indeed, but i promise i’ll text you.”

mingyu pulls over in front of wonwoo’s building and soonyoung unbuckles his seatbelt.

“is wonwoo already home?”

“not yet, but he said he’ll probably leave work in ten or fifteen minutes. i’ll order food for us.”

“you’re a great boyfriend, hyung.”

“i know. thank you again for the ride, mingyu, see you. bye, minghao, text me!”

“i will!” minghao yells while opening the back door and getting on the front seat. “i don’t leave too far away from here. thank you for the ride.”

“it’s not a problem.”

minghao gives his address and mingyu put on his phone, starting the car. they stay in silence for a while, the streets starting to get empty from the late hour.

“so, you’re writing a thesis?” minghao says, his voice low in the silence inside the car.

“yeah. sometimes i wonder if it was the best decision because it’s killing me.” he whines and the other laughs at him.

“what it’s about?”

“digital literacy in theory and practice: learning from how experts and advocates engage in civic life.”

“wow, that’s cool.” 

“not really, just a pain in my ass.” he sighs. “i mean, i knew it would be tough, especially working and not being able to dedicate 24/7 only for the thesis. but it’s so tiring, you know. i don’t regret, but i can’t wait to finish it.”

“when do you finish it?”

“the end of the year probably.” mingyu looks at the gps on his phone and turns on a side street. “you’ve been busy too, right?”

“yeah, a lot of commercials and photoshoots. i barely had time to dance or paint this past couple of months. i also haven’t seen anyone besides coworkers.” minghao sighs. he looks tired, with bags under his eyes and he seems to have lost weight. “tonight was the first time i hung out with someone. i complained about soonyoung texting me, but i’m glad he did.”

“soonyoung has a sixth sense for this kind of thing. he always feels when i’m on the brink of collapsing and helps me before it happens.”

“he’s a good friend.”

“yeah, he really is, but we can never praise him, otherwise he gets too cocky.”

minghao lets out a soft laugh.

“you’re a good friend too, mingyu, i can tell.”

“thanks.”

“that’s the building,” minghao points and mingyu pulls over.

“here we are, safe and sound.”

“gimme your number,” minghao says, already pushing his phone on mingyu's hand, a blush on his cheeks. mingyu smiles and types his number.

“text me whenever you need a ride.”

“i’m a bad texter.”

“so am i.”

“the perfect pair.”

“maybe we are.”

minghao blushes again and grabs his phone and bag, motioning to open the door, but before he does, he stops and looks back at mingyu.

“you still haven’t shown me your paintings.”

“i’ll show you when you go to my place.”

minghao hums.

“we should hang out again.”

“totally.”

“i’ll text you. promise.” mingyu laughs.

“don’t worry, we’ll find time.”

minghao smiles and opens the car’s door, waving a goodbye before entering his building. almost instantly his phone vibrates.

**unknown number**

hi

save my number

**mingyu**

new phone who dis

**unknown number**

ill kick your ass

**mingyu**

i thoughot you were bad at texting

*thought

**minghao**

just sometimes

lemme know when u get home, k?

drive safe

**mingyu**

kay

get some sleep

he smiles at his phone before locking it and driving back home.

◇◇◇

**mingyu**

just got home

**minghao**

good

go to sleep

**mingyu**

its not even 11

**minghao**

yea but u’ve worked hard

**mingyu**

so have u

what r u doing rn?

**minghao**

are u the type of guy to ask for a photo of me rn?

**mingyu**

i saw u like 20 minutes ago

**minghao**

so?

**mingyu**

…

im not

**minghao**

took u a while to answer

**mingyu**

for someone whos bad at texting u sure talk a lot

**minghao**

thats only bc im already in bed but not really sleepy

send me a pic of u

i need to put on my contact list

**mingyu**

thats a lame excuse to ask for a pic

**minghao**

stfu

**mingyu**

**minghao**

cute!!!

**mingyu**

im embarrassed

**minghao**

awn no need to be

my lights are already out but ill send u one from today

**mingyu**

u r so much better in this than i am

**minghao**

its kinda my job tho

id be worried if i wasnt

**mingyu**

thats tru

mingyu stares at his phone for a minute. is this flirting? is minghao flirting with him?

damn, it’s really been a while since he did this.

**minghao**

what r u doing tmrw?

**mingyu**

working

n writing thesis

n probably staring at the wall for 20 minutes thinking about what im doing with my life

**minghao**

mood

**mingyu**

what about u?

**minghao**

i have a photoshoot in the morning

in the afternoon i guess its some fitting for a walk

i have to talk to my manager tmrw tbh i dont remember

**mingyu**

u have a manager?

thats fancy

**minghao**

u r kinda lost in this business if u dont have a manager

too many things at the same time

mine is an angel

**mingyu**

whats their name?

**minghao**

kun

hes been with me since china

an ANGEL

thank u for dealing with my shit, kun

**mingyu**

he looks chill

**minghao**

he is

**mingyu**

being a model seems rough

**minghao**

not gonna lie, it is

a lot of competition and a lot of unhealthy body expectations

its harder for the younger ones

**mingyu**

when did u started?

**minghao**

officially when i was 17

but before i did some commercials

thats almost 10 years in the industry

**mingyu**

what do you like the most?

**minghao**

photoshoots, definitely

walks are nice, but i feel its always the same

with photoshoots i can at least change a bit

i just remember that u actually know my work lol

**mingyu**

haha a little bit

**minghao**

u have a favorite photoshoot?

**mingyu**

yea

the one from arena

**minghao**

this one?

  
  


**mingyu**

yessss

this one is really good

**minghao**

fun fact

that day was like 35 celsius

i was burning on that coat

my make up had to be redone 3 times

**mingyu**

omfg

**minghao**

not always fancy huh

**mingyu**

u still look amazing tho

**minghao**

thanks gyu

u sure knows how to make a guy blush

**mingyu**

i try ;)

**minghao**

im going to sleep

u should go too

**mingyu**

ill be going in a minute, just drinking some tea

**minghao**

i hope its something calming

**mingyu**

its camomile

**minghao**

good

talk to u tmrw?

**mingyu**

ofc

sleep tight hao

**minghao**

u too, gyu

good dreams

◇◇◇

“minghao, junhui, you came!” soonyoung scream and run to the door to hug them. “chan too.” he makes a face.

“don’t need to look so happy to see me, soonyoung.” chan says, but then he smiles and hugs the other. “happy birthday, soon-hyung.”

“happy birthday, soonyoung,” junhui also hugs him. “i bought you a present, but forgot at home.”

“you don’t need to lie, jun.”

“that’s true actually,” minghao says, “he barely had time to change his clothes before coming here.”

“busy day?”

“yeah, but thank god it’s friday and tomorrow i’ll sleep til noon.”

soonyoung laughs and lets them enter the living room. junhui goes straight to jihoon, pulling his phone out of his pocket and showing him something. minghao follows chan to the kitchen, where they find mingyu sitting on the countertop and talking to jeonghan and hansol.

“you like sitting on countertops huh, mingyu.”

“hey, hao!” he smiles.

“hi, jeonghan-hyung, hi, hansol. this is chan.”

“are you legal?” jeonghan asks and chan frowns.

“i bet i can drink more soju shots than you.”

jeonghan smirks.

“i like him.”

minghao gives a beer to chan and gets another one for him, leaning against the countertop besides mingyu.

“tired?” mingyu asks, a hand slightly touching minghao’s elbow. he leans into the touch.

“yeah,” he sighs. “i really thought about not coming, but soonyoung would kill me.”

“he really would.” his touch lingers for a little longer before he removes his hand. his fingers burns. “i can take you home after, i’m not drinking tonight.”

“why not?”

“too many things to do tomorrow.”

“it’s saturday, mingyu.”

“yeah, tell this to my advisor.”

“hey, love birds, come to the living room,” jeonghan calls and mingyu feels his cheeks getting warm.

minghao waits at the door for him to come down the countertop (mingyu’s heart did _not_ beat faster at this) and they follow the others, sitting at the space left on the couch. their thighs presses together and mingyu seriously thinks he would collapse at any minute. wonwoo across the room smirks at him and mingyu pouts.

it’s the first time the thirteen of them hangs out together and, honestly, only soonyoung’s birthday was capable of doing this. simply no one wants to risk discovering if the death threats are real or not.

minghao falls into conversation with jisoo and seungcheol and mingyu turns to talk to seungkwan about his new play. after a few minutes, he feels the chinese leaning a little into him and mingyu puts his hand on minghao’s knee, his fingers playing with the hem of the tear in his jeans.

that was new, the touches, the closeness. mingyu is a little overwhelmed but also warm inside. ever since they exchanged numbers they would text everyday, telling about their days and one night minghao even called mingyu, saying that he was too tired to type. in the end they spoke for almost an hour.

(“i thought you were too tired.”

“i am.”

“you’re talkative when you’re tired then.”

“shut up, mingyu.”

there was silence for a minute before minghao said in such a soft voice that mingyu would have missed if he wasn’t paying attention,

“i like talking to you.”)

ever since his break up, mingyu had felt empty, trying to fill it with work and study, finding excuses not to go out with his friends, refusing to download dating apps. after yugyeom left his home, saying he couldn’t do it anymore, he asked himself if there was something wrong with him, if there was a reason why none of his relationships worked.

truthfully, mingyu knew he wasn’t the best at dating. he had difficulties showing his feelings, wasn’t romantic and sometimes failed to catch nuances in the other’s actions. he thought that maybe would work out with yugyeom, since they were great friends before. 

but apparently mingyu was good just as a friend.

the first few months were happy, their relationship almost as an extension of their friendship. but it hit a place where they weren’t on the same page anymore and they would fight for the silliest reasons. mingyu saw it coming, really. saw the way yugyeom was distant, how bambam would avoid mingyu’s eyes when they hung out, the tension between them all the time.

he should have been brave enough to break up when he saw all the signs. maybe it would have been easier to get over it. maybe his heart wouldn’t have been broken in a million pieces. maybe he wouldn’t feel so unloveable.

“mingyu?” he hears and looks over, seeing minghao turn to him, a frown on his face. “you okay? you’re spacing out.”

“i am, hao, just thinking.” he smiles. he really didn’t feel like socializing.

“wanna tell me?”

“maybe some other time.”

minghao nods and turns to jisoo again, asking something about the book he was talking about.

mingyu gets up and goes outside, sitting on the staircase of the firescape. he then grabs his cigarettes and lit one, dragging deeply before realising the smoke into the air.

“gimme one.”

he looks up and sees wonwoo.

“soonyoung doesn’t like the taste.”

“so?”

“it’s his birthday.”

“c’mon, gyu, just gimme one. i forgot to buy more.”

mingyu huffs but gives one nonetheless. wonwoo sits on the floor, his back against the building. there’s a comfortable silence between them and only when both finish their cigarettes, wonwoo speaks.

“are you okay?”

“not really.”

“what happened?”

“i don’t know.”

he leans his head on the wall and takes a deep breath. wonwoo puts his hand on mingyu’s knee, leaning towards him.

“talk to me, gyu.”

“i feel too much sometimes.”

“i know,” wonwoo smiles softly.

“i-- it’s nothing really, just too many things.”

wonwoo hums and stares at the clear sky.

“did i ever tell you that me and soonyoung almost broke up a few months ago?”

mingyu frowns.

“no, you didn’t. what happened?”

“miscommunication, basically. we both had things bugging us and instead of talking to each other we kept it to ourselves until one day everything came out and we had a huge fight.” wonwoo laughs. “i actually said that i wanted to break up and he, in the most soonyoung’s way that is possible, said that no, i wouldn’t break up with him like that. i’m thankful to him, because we got our shit together and our relationship back on track.”

“i’m glad.”

“but the thing is, gyu, relationships are about vulnerability and trust. trusting your partner to talk about what you feel, enough to let them see you bare and all the things you’re ashamed of. and that is really scary.” he grabs mingyu’s hand, rubbing his thumb on the back. “i know you’re still broken over how things turned out with yugyeom, but one day you’ll find someone who will make you feel comfortable and safe, like soonyoung makes me feel.”

“what if i’m too broken?” mingyu whispers.

“you’re not.” he kisses mingyu’s hand and looks up at him. “ i swear that you’re not broken, gyu.”

“i love you a lot, wonwoo.”

“i love you too, mingyu.”

“hey, you two! stop hiding, it’s time to sing happy birthday.” seokmin puts his head out of the window and they get up.

mingyu pulls wonwoo and hugs him tight, being hugged as tight too.

“c’mon,” wonwoo pulls him inside.

  
  
  


“i wanna go to your place to see your paintings,” minghao says when mingyu closes the door of his car. “can i?”

“why do you want to go today?”

“i don’t know, but i really want to.” he smiles then. “only if you want to show me, please don’t feel pressure.”

“i do want to show you, hao.” he lets out a breath and smiles back. “okay, let’s go.”

they drive in silence, dean’s songs playing in the background. minghao had his eyes lost somewhere in the night, sometimes singing softly to some lines without even realising, making mingyu smiling. they quickly arrive at mingyu’s building and when they get inside the elevator, minghao holds mingyu’s hand.

“thank you for showing me.”

“we’re not even there yet.”

“i know, but i also know you don’t show many people, so thank you for trusting me.”

they get out on the fourth floor and mingyu unlock his door. it’s weird having someone in his apartment after so long - the only ones stopping by being wonwoo, soonyoung and once or twice, seokmin. he feels itchy, anxious, bare. minghao smiles at him and drops a kiss on his shoulder while taking off his shoes.

“well,” he coughs, “welcome to my apartment. sorry about the mess.”

“you call this a mess?” he arches an eyebrow, looking around. “you should see junhui’s place then.”

“i clean when i’m anxious.”

“yeah, me too. you can see your reflection on my bathroom’s floor.”

mingyu laughs, relaxing a little.

“it’s not big, but i really like it here.”

“it’s cozy.”

“thanks.”

minghao stops in the middle of the living room, staring at the wall with all the canvas. mingyu takes a deep breath before going to his side. minghao’s face was serious, concentrated, paying attention to details, admiring, thinking. it makes mingyu even more nervous and he quietly excuses himself to make some tea.

when he goes back with a mug, he finds minghao sitting on the couch, still looking at the paintings.

“these are all yours?” he asks, receiving the mug and taking a sip.

“yeah. that one,” he points to a big canvas on the floor, black on the borders, an eye in white, blue and yellow in the middle, “was the last one. still hasn’t decided my opinion about it.”

“it’s actually my favorite one.” minghao hums, drinking a bit more. “i feel despair from it. and loneliness.”

“why is it your favorite, then?”

“because these kinds of feelings are the most honest ones. i’ve always felt like they were also the hardest.”

“i paint better when i’m sad,” mingyu confesses. “i actually discovered that my best canvas are the ones i did in my saddest moments.”

he stares at his own mug on his hands, avoiding looking at minghao or the canvas.

“i did that one when my ex boyfriend broke up with me. at the time, i was crying so hard i could barely see the colors.”

“for how long you two dated?”

“one and a half years. we had been friends for almost four years before that though.”

“are you still friends?”

“not right now. not any time soon.” he sighs. “it was a bad break up.”

“i don’t really think there are good break ups. even if both parties agree on it, it’s hard to let go of someone you love. we hold onto the memories of it, of the feelings we once felt.”

“you talk like you’ve been there.”

“i have,” he agrees and looks at mingyu. “and after it happened, it took awhile for me to feel like i was ready for a new relationship.”

“i feel stupid sometimes, being so torned up about a relationship that didn’t even lasted that long.”

“the time doesn’t matter. one month or one year, you’re the only one who knows what you felt and still feels. and that’s not stupid.”

“i want to be ready for a new relationship, but--”

“don’t force yourself, mingyu, you’ll hurt you and the other person.”

they stare at each other. seeing minghao on his couch, with a fluffy pink sweater, his hair a little messed - made mingyu feel warm inside. without realising, his hands goes to minghao’s face, feeling his soft skin and admiring the way he closes his eyes, his lashes casting shadows on his cheekbones, and letting out a small sigh.

when he opens his eyes again, there was longing and _so_ much care.

minghao takes mingyu’s hands on his and kisses the back of them, smiling at him.

“whenever you’re ready for it, gyu, i’ll be here.”

“thank you.” he whispers.

“tell me about your favorite painting.”

minghao keeps holding mingyu’s hands while he talks, explaining briefly what he felt in each of the paintings, the process, the reasons he chose the colors. minghao listens intently, drinking his tea and asking questions at the right moments.

they stay like that for hours, curled up together on the couch, close, holding hands and feeling each other’s warmth. at some point, minghao puts his legs over mingyu’s, his head leaning on his shoulder. mingyu could feel his breath against his neck when he talked, making chills go down his spine. his fingers played with the strands of hair on minghao’s nape, sometimes giving small kisses on the top of his head.

minghao also talks about his art, about how it shows the type of person he is, his emotions and how he sees the world. he confesses how sometimes he doesn’t know how to explain all the feelings he mustered on a canvas, so he likes to let people interpret in their own way. _i think looking at art is like looking at ourselves,_ he says.

they discover how much sadness they both have inside of them and how they try to transform it in something beautiful. paintings, poems, choreographies. ways to let it out, to vent, to cry, to laugh.

and throughout the night, they also find each other.

◇◇◇

“am i in love with minghao?” mingyu say.

soonyoung stops cutting the vegetables, raising his eyes to the younger and then looking at wonwoo, who had also freezed while trying to open the wine bottle.

“we can’t really answer that for you, mingyu,” wonwoo finally answers, making soonyoung scoff before going back to cutting the tomatoes.

“but how can i tell?”

“when did you know you were in love with yugyeom?” soonyoung question.

“i don’t know. suddenly we were talking more and kissing and fuc--”

“no details, please.”

“anyway,” he rolls his eyes. “when the two of you knew you were in love?”

“we were going out for a few months already and we were in this restaurant. it was winter, so i had a cold and started to sneeze in the middle of dinner. wonwoo opened his bag and gave me a medicine that he didn’t take, but he knew it was the one that worked for me, so he had it with him. right then i was sure i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.”

“it’s so weird when you get all sappy,” mingyu says and soonyoung throws a piece of tomato at him.

“you asked!”

“what about you, wonwoo?”

“i don’t think i had a moment of realization like soonyoung had. it was in the small things, thinking about him whenever a good thing happened, automatically buying stuff to cook dinner for two people, having his favorite candies at home. he just became part of my life.”

“i can’t take it anymore, you two are disgusting.”

they laugh and wonwoo drops a kiss on soonyoung’s cheek, handing him a wine glass and taking a sip of his own.

“but what makes you question that, gyu?”

“i showed him my paintings.”

“wow, that’s a big step,” soonyoung says, arching his eyebrows.

“and then we talked for hours and kinda fell asleep on my couch. i woke up with him laying on my chest.” he sighs. “guys, he smells so good.”

“you sound so whipped already.”

“i think i am, wonwoo-hyung. we text a lot and--”

“wait a second,” soonyoung frowns. “how frequently you two text?”

“every day, all day long?”

“that little shit, he takes days to answer me.”

“yeah, but he doesn’t want to kiss _your_ mouth,” wonwoo giggles.

“i’m not sure he wants to kiss mine too,” mingyu pouts and soonyoung rolls his eyes.

“mingyu, minghao is a worse texter than you are. if he answers you so quickly it’s because he truly wants to talk to you. kinda impossible for him not to want to kiss you.”

“we kinda had a moment at my place but he,” he feels his cheeks getting warm and wonwoo hums, incentivizing him to continue, “he took my hands from his face and said that-- hm.”

“c’mon, i’m curious! it’s been too long since one of my friends was in the start of a relationship,” soonyoung whines from the stove.

“he said that whenever i was ready he would be there.”

both wonwoo and soonyoung stops again and stares at mingyu, who just drinks a big sip of wine and ignores them.

“what exactly were you two talking about before that moment?”

“about break ups and taking our time before being ready for a new relationship.”

“he respects you, mingyu,” wonwoo says, leaning over the counter, “you and your heart; he’s giving you time to heal. i think he doesn’t want to be just your rebound, so he’s waiting.”

“when will i know if i’m ready?”

“when you stop hurting whenever you think about yugyeom. what? it’s the truth,” soonyoung shrugs when wonwoo glares at him. “if it hurts it means you’re not over him yet.”

“but i don’t think i love him anymore.”

“you can still be heartbroken over someone you don’t love, you know.” he takes the spoon to wonwoo to taste the sauce, who nods over it. “when i broke up with jihoon it took me a while to truly get over it and we weren't even dating.”

“can’t i just skip to the moment i’m okay and let minghao fuck me into oblivion?”

soonyoung laughs at that and wonwoo growls, hiding his face into his hands.

when they sit at the table to eat, mingyu looks at his friends. in the beginning, he didn’t like soonyoung. not only because he felt he was stealing wonwoo from him, but because they were perfect to each other. seeing them together just made him realise how unloveable and _single_ he was.

of course it didn’t last long and soonyoung ended up becoming one of his best friends. he was there for him everytime he needed, over and over showing how much he loved him and not only considered him his boyfriend’s best friend.

mingyu knew he had amazing friends, but sometimes he missed having someone who was _more._ someone to invite to birthday parties, to introduce to his family, to talk about his day. and lately he had been picturing minghao like that.

they always talked about their days. minghao explaining fashion and brands and catwalks and spilling all the tea that happened backstage with the models. he would also ask mingyu about his articles and his thesis and listen to him complain about his advisor. they talked about art and family and friendship but after the day in mingyu’s apartment, they avoid talking about relationships. mingyu wanted to know about minghao’s past, wanted to know who broke his heart. truth is, he wanted to know every single detail about minghao.

and he was scared. because he never felt this way, not even with his ex boyfriends. and that also made him rethink all his relationships. did he break their hearts? why did he even date them if he perhaps hadn’t really loved them? was he actually the bad and toxic boyfriend he read about on twitter?

during the day, in the silence of his apartment, it was easy to think about all of this. it was _so_ easy to let it come to his mind and then he would find himself sitting on the bathroom floor, in the middle of the afternoon, the hot water from the shower hitting his back, trying to control an anxiety attack.

sometimes it would mingle with other insecurities. was he a good writer? did he choose the right major? why did he decide to get his masters? where was he going with his life?

_where am i who am i where am i going what am i doing_

spiralling down and down, suffocating on his own thoughts, ignoring texts and calls, not responding emails, _why am i such a bad friend why are they still by my side i don’t deserve them i don’t deserve minghao he deserves better i--_

“mingyu, breathe.”

wonwoo’s voice breaks into his stupor and he takes a big gulp of air, filling his lungs. he feels tears rolling down his cheeks, soonyoung’s hand on his wrist, wonwoo’s on his neck. he lets their hands ground him, coming back to the present. his food is half eaten, the other’s plates abandoned when they went to his side.

“i’m sorry,” he gasps, a few more tears escaping. soonyoung cleans them with careful fingers.

“do you want to sleep here tonight?” wonwoo’s voice is soft, his fingers pressing the way he knows helps mingyu the best.

“can i?”

“of course, sweetheart,” soonyoung interlocks his fingers with mingyu’s. “what do you think about taking a hot shower before finishing your food, huh? then we can watch the new _the purge_ movie.”

“okay,” he whispers and lets his friends take him to the bathroom.

wonwoo helps him take off his clothes and get inside the shower, turning on the hot water before sitting on the top of the toilet.

“there is this really sweet kid in my class. he’s new at the school and really shy. jimin, is his name. his parents had to move here and in the first days he cried a lot, missing his old school and friends, but now he’s finally hanging a little bit with the other kids. he also really likes painting, maybe he would get along with you.”

mingyu knows what wonwoo is doing, talking about something else to distract him. he would always do this in the first years of college, when everything was too much and mingyu was too less and wonwoo was the one to witness and help.

he lets a few more tears roll down, disappearing into the drain with the rest of the water. he starts to feel a little bit better, trying not to overthink how he ruined the night.

“you’re like a bean poll, so wonwoo’s pants will be too short,” soonyoung says, entering the bathroom at the same moment mingyu turns off the shower.

“nothing he’s not used to.” wonwoo answers, holding the clothes and making his boyfriend smile before turning around and leaving.

mingyu dries himself and put on the underwear, wonwoo still talking about his students in a low and soft voice. after he finishes dressing, wonwoo gets up, pushing mingyu to sit on the top of the toilet and grabbing the towel to dry his hair, combing with his fingers after.

he finally stops talking, his fingers still on mingyu’s hair.

“is this happening frequently again?” he whispers, almost afraid of hearing the answer.

“less than freshman year, more than after graduation,” he confesses, no point of lying to his best friend.

“is there something specific on your mind?”

“masters. work. minghao.”

wonwoo hums, hanging the towel and washing his hands on the sink.

“i’m scared it will take me too long to be ready for something and he will not want to wait.”

“i don’t know minghao that much, but after everything you told me about him, i don’t think he’s like that.”

“what if it takes me years?”

“it’s not a problem, you know. jeonghan took years to completely get over seungcheol and he was still in this process when he met jisoo. and jisoo waited, he stayed by jeonghan’s side, he didn’t ask for anything jeonghan’s wasn’t ready to give. and now they’re perfect. and even with this weird thing they have with seungcheol, they’re still perfect together.” wonwoo holds mingyu’s face. “more than want to give everything to minghao, you have to want to heal yourself. you cannot give someone a piece of your heart if it’s not whole yet. it will only destroy it more.”

“and if he gets tired of waiting?”

“then he will leave. and you’ll have to learn how to let him go. and if it happens, it will hurt, but you’ll be okay.”

mingyu trembles a bit and wonwoo pulls him up to hug him.

“no matter what, i’ll always be by your side. don’t feel afraid of asking or calling me.”

“i don’t want to burden you.”

“you’re not a burden, kim mingyu. you’re the second most important person in my life, because of course the first one is my mom.”

mingyu lets a small laugh escape, making wonwoo smile.

“i’m here for you. the same way i know you’re here for me.”

“i am, wonwoo, always.”

they hug more tightly.

“i love you.”

“i love you too.”

wonwoo kisses mingyu’s cheek and opens the door.

“c’mon, let’s finish eating and watch _the purge_.”

◇◇◇

**mingyu**

how is your bday next week and i just discovered this through chan

**hao♡**

you hanging with chan?

thats my child i hope youre not corrupting him or something

**mingyu**

he literally just:

_forwarded message_

_hey, minghao-hyung’s birthday is next week_

**hao♡**

lmao

thats so chan

**mingyu**

soooo

**hao♡**

what

**mingyu**

oh no

youre one of those people right

**hao♡**

what you mean by that and why do i feel offended already

**mingyu**

someone who doesnt like birthdays

**hao♡**

oh yeah i am

**mingyu**

ಠ_ಠ

**hao♡**

i usually just grab dinner with friends or smth

**mingyu**

can we hang out then?

(〃ω〃)

please

(ᇴ‿ฺᇴ)

its gonna be cool i promise

╥﹏╥

**hao♡**

ffs stop with these emoijs

we can hang out 

**mingyu**

୧☉□☉୨

**hao♡**

im gonna block u

**mingyu**

༼☯﹏☯༽

IM JOKING

PLS DONT BLOKC ME

**hao♡**

why tf do i put up with u

**mingyu**

bc im perfect

**hao♡**

youre indeed

(^_−)☆

mingyu drops his phone and screams into the pillow.

◇◇◇

“you know my birthday is tomorrow, right?” minghao asks, closing the door of his building behind him.

“yeah, but tomorrow is monday and we both have a million things to do so let’s just enjoy today.”

“where are we going?” he yawns. “it’s 10am. on a sunday.”

“stop being such a lazyass.” mingyu opens the door of his car for him and minghao gets inside. he circles the car and gets inside the driver seat. “at what time did you go to sleep?”

“1am i think. i was watching a drama on tv.”

“well, it’s not my fault then, told you i was picking you up.”

minghao hits him on the arm and mingyu laughs, turning on the radio. they sing together while mingyu drives, taking half an hour to arrive at their destination.

“amusement park?” minghao arches his eyebrow. “i’m turning 27, not 7.”

“it’s fun! c’mon.”

they go to the rollercoasters and the ferris wheel. mingyu buys minghao cotton candy and chocolate chip cookies and tickets to every game he wants to play. they talk and laugh, minghao actually looking like he was turning 7, not 27.

at almost lunch time, minghao pulls mingyu by the hand to the carousel, talking about how his parents used to take him to this one near his place in his hometown and how much he loved. mingyu, though, was barely paying attention, all his senses focused on minghao’s hand on his. slowly, he interlocks their fingers and the chinese only squeezes a little, acknowledging it, and continues talking about his childhood.

mingyu loves the way minghao opened up to him, the distant and quiet guy from seokmin’s birthday long forgotten.

when minghao starts to whine about being hungry, mingyu takes him back to his car - of course, not before buying a huge stuffed frog for the birthday boy. he hugs it with one arm, the other not letting go of mingyu’s hand.

“this was really fun, mingyu, thank you.” he smiles, while buckling up his seatbelt and putting the frog in the backseat.

“you’re welcome. but it’s not over yet.” he winks and minghao laughs.

“okay, i trust you.” he says softly. “where are we getting lunch?”

“few weeks ago seokmin took me to this really nice thai restaurant and i’ve been wanting to take you there ever since. it’s not far from here.”

too bad mingyu was already maneuvering the car and missed the way minghao looked at him.

  
  


mingyu growls around a mouthful of _tom yum goong,_ the spicy flavour making his lips tingle. he could seriously eat it everyday if they let him.

“let me try it, mingyu,” minghao whines.

“you have your _pad thai,_ minghao, why do you want my food too?”

“because you look like you’re having an orgasm from it.”

“that’s definitely not my orgasm face.”

“you should show me your orgasm face then, that way i won’t mess up again.”

mingyu stares at him, minghao’s face serious, except for a little smirk playing on his lips. he doesn’t even know how to _answer._

however, the universe works in mysterious ways and he’s saved from responding when two men stopped at their table, looking at him.

he would rather face the teasing than stare at yugyeom and bambam though.

“hey, mingyu,” bambam shows him his usual huge and warm smile.

“hey, bam, yeom.”

“hey, gyu.” yugyeom answers.

“huh, this is minghao. minghao, this is bambam and yugyeom. we’re friends from college.”

bambam shakes minghao’s hand and yugyeom looks at him quickly before staring at mingyu again, arching an eyebrow slightly before also saying hi to minghao.

luckily, they apparently know how to read the room.

“well, we have a reservation too, we won’t disturb your lunch anymore.” bambam says. “it was nice meeting you, minghao, hope to see you around.” he starts to push yugyeom away from their table, but the other boy suddenly stops and goes back, facing mingyu with a frown and making bambam look desperate.

“my birthday is coming.”

“i know,” mingyu frowns too.

“we’re throwing a party at jackson-hyung’s place at 9pm the following friday. you’re invited, if you want to go.” he briefly looks at minghao before continuing. “you can take wonwoo-hyung and soonyoung-hyung too.”

“huh, thanks for the invite, yugyeom, i’ll check if i’m free.”

he nods and leaves, following an exasperated bambam to their table.

“so, this is your ex boyfriend.” minghao says, eating a bite of his food.

“so easy to tell?”

“you both were extremely uncomfortable. and he looked at me with a bit of jealousy.”

“this last part is pretty impossible, he was the one who broke up with me.”

minghao scoffs, moving his fork to get some of mingyu’s food.

“this is incredible.”

“told you.”

they continue to eat in relative silence and when they finally leave the restaurant, minghao stretches happily and then grabs mingyu’s hand again.

“next stop is closeby.” mingyu stretches his back too.

“let’s walk then. good for making digestion.”

mingyu laughs and pulls minghao in the direction of their next location.

they walk side by side, their hands interlocked and their shoulders brushing lightly. minghao looks soft, with a black shirt and a navy blue coat. his hair was pretty long, the black mullet framing his face perfectly.

“stop pouting.” 

“i’m not pouting,” answers mingyu through a pout.

“are you upset that you ran into your ex?”

“you don’t beat around the bush, huh.”

“i don’t think we need to, am i wrong?”

“nah, you’re right.” minghao pushes him a little with his shoulder. “yeah, i think i’m kinda upset. i didn’t expect to run into him.” _especially not on your birthday,_ he completes mentally.

“how long has it been since you two broke up?”

“a little over a year, i think. it’s not that recent, i shouldn’t be this upset.”

“it’s never easy to see your ex.” minghao mumbles. he puts his free hand inside of his pocket, stepping a little bit closer to mingyu. “i had this boyfriend in china. he was really sweet and it was a nice relationship. then i started to work a lot and he was really busy with college and we both decided to break up. it wasn’t easy.”

“for how long you two dated?”

“almost four years. we met at high school and actually lasted longer than most people thought we would. yukhei always looked like a stupid jock, but he was actually really sensible and understood me like few people had.”

“are you still in touch?”

“yeah, we became friends after all the feelings truly went away. he’s now living in taiwan with his fiancé, hendery. they’re the weirdest couple, perfect to each other. i’m really happy for him.”

“me and seokmin met yugyeom, bambam and our other friends in college. we used to hang out all the time, it was really great. but now,” he sighs, “i haven’t seen them for so long.”

“because they didn’t reach out or you didn’t?”

mingyu doesn’t answer.

“it’s really easy to just cut people out when we’re hurt. it sucks that it happened in the same friend group, but the others don’t have any fault and i bet they miss you too.” minghao pokes mingyu’s cheek. “you should reach out, you know. like, text the group chat or something.”

“i don’t know if i have the courage. i basically disappeared for over a year.”

“if i was them, i would at least listen to what you have to say.” minghao hugs mingyu’s arm, supporting his shin on his shoulder and staring at him while he lets mingyu’s guide him on the street. “i told you once, there isn’t an easy break up. with yukhei, we both weren't even in love with each other anymore, but it was still tough because we cared for each other. and besides that, any relationship becomes part of our routine, so it’s difficult to get used to life without the other person. of course it will be harder if you still have feelings for--”

“i don’t,” he says too quickly and then clears his throat. “i don’t have feelings for yugyeom anymore. it’s just awkward now.”

minghao tries to hold his smile, just the corner of his lips lifting.

“it will stop being awkward one day, but you have to try.”

“you think he wants to be friends with me?”

“well, he invited you for his birthday party, it’s a start. are you going, by the way?”

“nah, don’t feel comfortable yet. and i’m pretty sure his hyungs hate me.”

“it’s impossible to hate you, mingyu.”

mingyu feels his cheeks getting warm and looks away from minghao.

“stop playing with me, hao.”

“i’m not, i’m sorry,” he laughs softly. “it’s just so easy to rile you up, you know.” he noses at mingyu’s cheek and gives a kiss there. “i’ll stop if you ask me to.”

“it’s okay, i don’t really mind.”

“good, because i really like teasing you.”

“yeah, i got that already.”

minghao laughs and steps back, giving mingyu a breathing space.

“where are you taking me? i feel like i’ve been asking this all day long.”

“there’s an exhibition of latin american’s artists, i thought you’d like it.”

“oh, i haven’t heard of it. is it new?”

“i think it’s the first weekend or something, so it might be crowded, you mind?”

“of course not. a while ago i went to tokyo and found a book in a book store about a brazilian artist called tarsila do amaral and it really amazed me.”

“well, i’m happy i nailed it then.”

“i knew you would, you know me pretty well.”

“not as well as i’d like to.” he looks at the other boy, who was already staring at him. “i want to know everything about you, minghao.”

“i’ll share everything with you, mingyu, as long as you want me to.”

mingyu raises their interlocked hands and kisses the back of minghao’s, watching his cheeks blushing.

he feels better than he had in a long time.

“we’re almost there.”

minghao’s phone vibrates with a text and he grabs it to read, laughing after.

“what it is?”

“it’s yukhei. he said that since he’s in the united states right now, it’s already my birthday and he’s the first one to wish me a happy birthday.”

“you said that he’s engaged, right? when is the wedding?”

“in april, if i’m not mistaken. it will be in our hometown.”

“are you going?”

“i really want to, but in the end it will depend on work too.” he types a reply and puts his phone back in his pocket. “my parents didn’t want me to come to korea, especially because i barely knew the language. but i knew it was the best thing to do, the possibilities here were better for my career. at the time, we had already broken up, but i showed up at his place crying and asking for help. that’s when i met kun, he was a friend of a friend who worked in the industry.”

“that’s how he became your manager?”

“yeah, yukhei showed him my work and he decided that i had potential. after that, the both of them went to my place and talked multiple times with my parents. they loved yukhei - still do -, so they listened.”

“so they approved?”

“not really, but they took me to the airport and wished me good luck when i left. it was enough for me. now they support me one hundred porcent and are proud of me.”

“you were really brave.”

“i was, but i was also lucky that i had so many people who also believed in me. i’ll forever be grateful for yukhei and kun, that’s why i really want to go to the wedding.”

before he realizes what he’s doing, mingyu pulls minghao closer, putting an arm around his shoulders and giving a kiss on his head.

“i believe in you too.”

“i know. thank you.”

they get to the exhibition, a small gallery downtown with a huge poster outside announcing _mujer latina: the voices of latin america’s women_ and then a small paragraph telling the context of it and some of the names. it was full, but not crowded, so they went inside.

mingyu doesn’t mind when minghao lets go of his hand to get closer to a photograph by sandra eleta, from panama city. he looks mesmerized by the way she was able to capture so many emotions in a photo and mingyu loves to stare at him.

he ends up losing minghao after a few minutes and walks into a session about artists only from argentina. the pieces are totally different from each other and mingyu spends time admiring each of them, reading about it and sometimes even writing the name on the notes app on his phone to look more about after.

after a long time, he had finally started to paint again. it was a slow process, sometimes staying days without grabbing a brush. he had started a new painting that he still didn’t know where he was going, just going with the flow. it felt good, a way to distress after a long day.

he didn’t want to call minghao his muse or something cringey like that, but he couldn’t ignore the fact that he was more inspired ever since they met. he saw more beauty in the world and he wanted to do new things, to explore, to get out of his comfort zone. 

for so long it had been only him, wonwoo and soonyoung. sometimes also seokmin, sometimes jeonghan and jisoo or hansol and seungkwan, but in the end, it was the three of them. when mingyu was dating yugyeom, they would hang out a lot with their group, jeongguk always being the one to text first in the group chat, jaehyun always the hardest to go out. soonyoung even whined that mingyu was replacing them.

minghao’s words replayed on his mind. it had been stupid and easy to just cut everyone off, ignoring them and their tentatives of reaching out. one by one they ended up giving up trying to talk to someone who clearly didn’t want to talk to them.

he grabs his phone and opens the group chat that would always be buzzing with messages from the others and he would constantly archive it. it had over eight hundred notifications, the last one being from eunwoo an hour ago.

he takes a deep breath before typing.

**mingyu >>> 97line**

hey guys lets hang out next saturday?

if u guys r free

it takes not even five seconds to get a reply.

**jeongguk**

mingyu????

you ok????

were yOU KIDNAPPED????

**jaehyun**

jeongguk wtf

**jeongguk**

jae hes TEXTING US

ON THIS GC

ON HIS FREE WILL

well at least i hope its on his free will

**eunwoo**

ill agree with guk in this one

MINGYU ARE YOU OK BRO???

**mingyu**

lol im fine

just miss u guys

**jaehyun**

we miss you too man

**seokmin**

am i hallucinating or smth?

**jeongguk**

im totally free next saturday

the whole week tbh

also today

wanna hang out today????

**mingyu**

im busy today

but next saturday works fine for me

“hey, found ya.” he hears, fingers grabbing his sleeve. mingyu smiles automatically before looking at minghao. “who are you texting? you look happy.”

“i texted the group chat and asked if they wanted to hang out.”

“oh, so you listened to my advice?”

“yeah, apparently you sometimes give good advice.” minghao smacks mingyu’s arm, but he’s also smiling.

“i always give _great_ advice. now, come here, i wanna show you something.”

mingyu checks his phone one last time, already over forty non-read messages. he would have to get used to it again. he pockets it and grabs the hand minghao was extending.

minghao takes him to a big painting, apparently one of the most famous ones, since there were a few people in front of it. they stay a little behind and minghao gets closer.

“this is from the artist i told you i discovered in tokyo.”

“tarsila, right?”

“yeah, tarsila do amaral. she’s a modern artist, one of the biggest from brazil. this painting is one of her most famous one, is called _abaporu.”_

“what does it mean? this word.”

“man who eats human flesh.”

“that’s… weird.” minghao laughs quietly.

“it has a meaning, i remember reading it in the book. it was the start of a movement in brazil that wanted to swallow the european culture and transform it into something typically from brazil, in a way to value local culture.”

“that’s really interesting.”

“i thought so too.”

mingyu admires the painting, thinking about the meaning minghao explained to him.

“the painting is really cool. although i don’t understand why it has such a big nose.”

“oh, baby, it’s an arm, not a nose.”

mingyu feels himself blushing and minghao doesn’t laugh, just smiles, kisses his cheek and pulls him to another painting.

in the middle of his embarrassment, he almost doesn’t realise minghao had called him baby.

after that, minghao stays by his side, talking about the paintings and also his favorite artists from china. when they leave the gallery, it’s already dark outside.

“i’m getting hungry again, where are you taking me now?”

“we can get something to eat in the bamdokkaebi night market, buy a bottle of wine and then go to the yeouido hangang park, what you think?”

“isn’t it cold to go to the hangang park?”

“i have a blanket in my car.”

“what a prepared man.”

they walk back to mingyu’s car near the thai restaurant and when they open the trunk, minghao sees the bag with picnic stuff.

“were you planning this too?”

“to be honest, this part i didn’t plan.”

“you always have picnic stuff in your car then?”

“soonyoung loves picnics, so i learned to be prepared.”

minghao laughs and grabs the bag, putting it on his shoulder and holding mingyu’s hand. it seemed like after they did it for the first time, some barrier had been broken and they had to hold hands all the time.

they go inside a convenience store and buy cheap wine. the night market is slightly empty because of the cold night, so they are able to buy food on the food trucks without having to stay in line. they find a spot near the river easily and mingyu puts the mat on the floor, sitting on it and organizing their things on it while minghao settles, taking off his shoes and crossing his legs. he smiles while putting wine on paper cups and handing one to mingyu.

“i have to confess something,” he says, biting a piece of kimbap. 

mingyu hums, busy eating his tteokbokki while choosing a song to put on the speakers. he finally decides on a r&b playlist soonyoung made him fews weeks before, jorja smith’s voice playing. he smiles and looks at minghao.

“what it is?”

“this is the best birthday i have ever had,” he says.

mingyu opens a big smile, the corners of his mouth dirty with sauce. minghao grabs a napkin and cleans it, watching mingyu blushing.

“i’m glad you like it,” he finally answers.

“can i confess something else?” he asks, his voice almost inaudible over the sound of music.

“of course.”

“i really like you, mingyu.” he grabs mingyu’s hand. “not only as a friend.”

in that moment, mingyu swears they’re the only ones in the park.

“you became such an important and special person in my life. i look forward to tell you about my day and ask about yours, i try to make space in my schedule just to see you. kun made so much fun of me when i complained about having to go to a gucci party instead of being in our pajamas and watching anime with you.” minghao laughs, but mingyu just stares at him, mesmerized. “you were the only person i wanted to spend my birthday with you and our day was incredible. you’re incredible.”

“minghao--” mingyu whispers.

“wait, lemme finish.” he covers mingyu’s mouth with his hand. “i know you’re hurt, i know that thinking about yugyeom and what happened still hurts you. i’m glad you don’t have feelings for him though, because i have for you. i have for a while now.” he moves his hand to rest on mingyu’s cheek, his thumb caressing his skin. “i just want to say that it’s okay if you don’t feel the same way, or if you do but you’re not ready yet. i’m not going anywhere, mingyu.”

mingyu continue to stare at him and minghao laughs.

“okay, i’m finished, you can talk now.”

“can i kiss you?”

“yes, you can.”

mingyu holds minghao’s face and smiles before kissing him.

it’s not perfect, they take some seconds to find a good rhythm and there is too much saliva, but at the same time, it _is_ perfect. because it’s minghao. and minghao likes him back.

the kiss is slow and soft and like they have all the time in the world. minghao’s fingers tangle in mingyu’s hair and he tilts his head, opening his mouth, touching their tongues. mingyu feels content, full and warm. he feels like he’s on top of the world.

he suddenly pulls back and minghao frowns at him.

“i like you too,” he says and minghao laughs loudly.

“well, i thought you did when you kissed me, but it’s good to hear.”

mingyu sighs and touches his forehead to minghao’s, closing his eyes.

“i like you so much, sometimes i feel i’m going to explode,” he whispers. “i never felt like this before, hao, i-- i’m lost.”

“it’s okay, gyu, you don’t have to understand everything, feelings are complex.”

“how are you so wise? i feel dumb.” he whines and minghao laughs before pressing a kiss to mingyu’s lips.

“you’re not dumb, you just have the emotional range of a teaspoon.”

mingyu raises his head and looks at minghao.

“did you seriously just quoted hermione granger at me?”

“i’m sorry,” he says, holding a smile, and mingyu pouts.

“c’mon, hao, my emotional range is at least of a tablespoon.”

at that minghao laughs out loudly, throwing himself back on the mat. mingyu ends up laughing with him and they keep going for minutes, before they can finally stop, minghao complaining of his stomach hurting.

mingyu raises his body and stares down at minghao, who still has a smile tugging on his lips. he leans and kisses him again, languid and sensual, his hand grabbing at minghao’s waist.

minghao is the one to lean back this time, taking deep breaths. mingyu stares at his lips, glowing with spit and tries to kiss him again, but minghao puts a hand on his chest and stop him.

“okay now, we don’t want to get arrested for public indecency.”

“my car is close we can go back to my apartment,” mingyu says, his words stumbling.

“i want to keep enjoying this moment. you look so beautiful, mingyu,” he runs his fingers through mingyu’s face, making him close his eyes. “thank you, for today, for everything.”

“you don’t have to thank me.”

“i really do. i’ll never forget this day.”

mingyu lays down next to him, interlocking their fingers and staring at the sky. their food is long forgotten, so is the wine. they stay like that, minghao dropping kisses in mingyu’s shoulder and cheek, whispering multiple times how much he likes mingyu.

mingyu closes his eyes. he’s happy.

  
  


“what now?” mingyu says once they are inside his car, marvelling at the heater.

“what do you mean?”

“where do we go from here?”

“i think we have to take it slow,” minghao answers. he rests his head on the headrest and looks at mingyu. “we can continue what we’ve been doing. talking, spending time together, hanging out.”

“but with kisses.”

“definitely with kisses. i don’t think i can’t stop kissing you now that i know how you taste like.” mingyu growls.

“for fuck’s sake, minghao, that’s so corny.”

“it makes you blush, it’s fun.”

mingyu rolls his eyes but leans to press a quick kiss to minghao’s mouth.

he can get used to this.

“i’m new to these kinds of things,” he confess, “and i’m a bad boyfriend.”

“that’s pretty much impossible, mingyu.”

he lowers his head, staring at his fingers.

“mingyu, look at me,” minghao says and waits until mingyu does to continue. “i know you’re not a bad boyfriend nor a bad person. you’re dedicated, lovely, passionate and so attentive towards others. this whole day just proves it. you chose so many things that you knew i’d like because you know me. and not everything is because i told you, it’s because you paid attention. and that’s what makes you special.”

mingyu swallows, feeling his cheeks getting warm.

“i like you and you like me and of course this is not the answer to everything, but it’s a start. i wanna be with you and if you want the same, we’ll find a way. _our_ way, not anyone else’s. we both have past relationships, that made us happy in some ways and sad in others. but they’re in the past, our ex boyfriends are different people than we are and we are different people from that time too. i know it’s hard, but i’m by your side. i want to do this with you. together.”

“i want to, i really want to do this with you.”

“ _talk_ to me about things, okay? i promise i won’t ever judge what you’re feeling.”

“you too. i want you to trust me too, and to feel like you can count on me. because you can, hao. i’m here for you.”

minghao pulls mingyu to one more kiss.

“happy birthday,” he whispers against his lips when the clock turns midnight.

minghao smiles and kisses him again.

◇◇◇

**mingyu**

just got home

**hao♡**

thank you again for today

**mingyu**

pls stop thanking me im embarrassed

**hao♡**

youre so cute

**mingyu**

god u r so cheesy

**hao♡**

because now i can say everything ive wanted

( ˘ ³˘)

**mingyu**

oh my god

what am i getting into

**hao♡**

not even a few hours and already regretting it, kim mingyu?

**mingyu**

not even a bit, xu minghao

**hao♡**

ok im going to sleep

thank you for the best birthday ever

**mingyu**

u r welcome

sleep tight

**hao♡**

you too, baby

◇◇◇

“so, minghao, you dating mingyu means that you’ll answer me faster?” soonyoung asks, staring seriously at him.

“we’re not dating,” mingyu and minghao say at the same time and then look at each other.

“oh yeah, sure, you’re not. now answer my question,” soonyoung squints and wonwoo laughs by his side.

“soon, let him be.”

soonyoung then pouts at wonwoo, who just rolls his eyes and kisses his cheek. mingyu smiles and feels minghao’s hand on his knee, brushing lightly before moving away.

“my schedule will probably be okay in december and january, but in february i’ll probably be walking on fashion weeks.”

“he’s fancy!” soonyoung smiles and minghao laughs.

“when you’ve been to so many fashion weeks it kinda stops being fancy.”

soonyoung starts asking minghao stories from his travels and catwalks for famous designers and mingyu helps wonwoo taking everything from the table and take back to the kitchen. he starts washing the dishes and gives them to mingyu to dry.

“you look happy,” wonwoo says quietly.

“i am,” he smiles.

“why did you say you’re not dating?”

“we’re not. not yet, at least. we decided to take it slow. we know each other as friends, of course, but we don’t know how we are in a romantic relationship. we still do some of the same things, but we started going to dates to see how it works, for example.”

wonwoo hums and nods.

“i think it’s a great decision. really mature of you two.”

mingyu laughs and pushes wonwoo’s shoulder.

the truth is, nothing much changed after they confessed to each other. they would text every day and sometimes call at night, telling each other about their days. when they both had time, they would meet and watch a movie or anime together, sometimes mingyu would cook or they would lazy around and ask for take out.

the difference was that now, when mingyu opened the door, minghao would kiss him before going inside. they would hold hands while walking on the streets and surprise each other with kisses in random times. they would cuddle at night in bed and kiss in the morning, not minding the morning breath.

“we also try talking about our past relationships,” mingyu tells wonwoo. “what happened, what we expect, what we don’t like.”

“are you okay talking about yugyeom?”

“each time is easier. i mean,” he laughs lightly, “it’s not easy. sometimes i still think about everything that went wrong and if i’m doing the right thing trying a relationship with minghao. but he listens and he understands.”

“did he also had a break up similar to yours?”

“not really. he had a long relationship and they broke up on good terms, they’re friends now. but he gets the fear.”

“this is good, gyu, having someone who understands you. it’s important.”

mingyu turns and checks that minghao and soonyoung are still deep in conversation, before whispering to wonwoo.

“sometimes i still think he’s too good for me and that i don’t deserve him, but i’m trying to break free from these thoughts.”

wonwoo washes the last cup and pulls the dishcloth from mingyu’s hand, drying it up.

“these types of feelings don’t simply go away one day, you gotta work for it.”

“i’m trying.”

“i know you are. and i’m proud of you, mingyu. i’m proud to see you trying to get better and realizing the amazing things you deserve.”

“please don’t make me cry.”

wonwoo laughs and hugs him.

“sorry.”

“wonwoo, come here, you have to listen to this story!” soonyoung yells.

“c’mon, we’re already done here.”

he pulls mingyu back to the living room. soonyoung and minghao are already sprawled on the couch with glasses of red wine. mingyu sits on the floor next to minghao’s legs and accept the glass he gives him, kissing his knee. minghao runs his hand through mingyu’s hair (it’s getting too long, he needs a haircut) and tells a story about junhui getting caught sleeping before a catwalk by the designer himself.

mingyu feels warm inside, in wonwoo and soonyoung’s living room with three of his favorite people. minghao mingles easily, teasing soonyoung and whining at wonwoo. he’s constantly touching mingyu, like he’s always trying to say that he’s there by his side. it makes mingyu’s insides go even softer.

“so, minghao,” wonwoo asks when they’re already opening the third bottle of wine and they’re all tipsy. “are you spending the holidays here?”

“i am, actually,” he answers, “but i’m not really sure where. mingyu is going to his parent’s house, but we both agree it is too early to meet family. junhui is going back to china and chan is also spending it with his family. so i’ll probably stay at home and watch _nightmare before christmas.”_

“you can spend it with us,” wonwoo says, pouring wine in everyone’s glasses. “we always go to jeonghan and jisoo’s place. i think this year jihoon will also join and maybe seungcheol too, he said he would probably know just the day before.”

“won’t i be invading or something?”

“of course not. you’re also our friend and, well, you’re someone special to mingyu, so you’re special to us too.”

“thank you.”

minghao smiles. mingyu remembers their first conversation about how he never had many friends, so he knows the importance of this attitude.

“i’ll come back to new year’s eve. do you guys have any plans?” mingyu lays his head on minghao’s knee, staring at the eldest couple.

“seungkwan is throwing a party, i think everyone will be there. he even invited the girl gang too.”

“oh, that’s good, i miss them.”

“who are they?” minghao looks confused between them. mingyu thinks it’s cute.

“momo is a dancer in my studio,” soonyoung explains. “we ended up becoming friends and after some time our friends’ groups met each other and started to hang out too. but i mostly just see her and her girlfriend, mina. it’s hard to coordinate dates with so many people.”

“we met tzuyu in itaewon last week, do you remember?”

“the tall and pretty taiwanese girl?”

“yes, that’s her.”

“she was sweet.”

“they’re all really sweet, i like them.”

“anyway, sana and jihyo still hasn’t confirm for seungkwan’s party, but the rest are going. it’ll be fun.”

“okay, good to know.”

a little over half an hour later mingyu and minghao leaves. soonyoung is already almost sleeping on the couch and wonwoo is yawning. he tries to take his boyfriend to the bedroom, while saying goodbye to the couple and asking to text him when they get home.

“wanna walk?” mingyu asks once they’re on the street.

“sure.”

minghao grabs his hand and they step closer to protect themselves from the cold weather. it’s not a big distance to mingyu’s apartment and it’s good to wear off the alcohol.

“what you think about new year’s eve? wanna go to the party?”

“yeah. i’ve never been to a big party on new year’s eve.”

“really?”

“last year i went to tokyo with junhui. we met there with kun and his boyfriend and spent it together just drinking wine and talking.”

“and the year before?”

“hm,” he tries to remember it. “i think i went to shanghai to a small gathering in yibo’s place. nothing big too, it was mostly his coworkers at the time. what about yours?”

“well, last year i spend new year’s eve curled up on wonwoo and soonyoung’s couch, eating ice cream with them and crying while watching romcom movies. but the year before we went to jaehyun’s. he has this friend, yuta, who always throws the best new year’s eve parties. really, his parties are incredible.”

“he’s not doing it this year?”

“jaehyun said that he decided to go to tokyo with his new boyfriend so, no party.”

minghao smiles a little.

“you know, i was really touched by wonwoo’s invitation for christmas.” he says shyly. “he’s your friend and i know he does it a lot because he wants to see you happy, but still means a lot.”

“he really likes you, minghao, because of who you are and not only because we’re together.”

“i like hearing that.”

“what?”

“that we’re together.”

mingyu laughs and pushes him a little, letting go of his hand to put an arm around his shoulders. minghao fits perfectly against mingyu’s side, circling his arms on mingyu’s waist. it’s difficult to walk like this, but they don’t really care.

“like you a lot, mingyu.”

mingyu kisses the top of minghao’s head.

  
  


mingyu wakes up with minghao pressed against his back, an arm around his waist, his breath on his nape. mingyu moves quietly around to get more comfortable and stops when he feels minghao’s hard on pressing against his thigh. they had been sleeping in the same bed, but they still hadn’t done sex, just a lot of make out sessions and one blowjob that mingyu swore minghao sucked his soul through his dick.

it wasn’t like mingyu didn’t want to have sex with minghao, but he still felt shy and nervous.

although right now, feeling minghao against him - it was difficult to be shy. 

mingyu takes a deep breath and pushes a little, moving his ass until it’s pressed against minghao’s groin. he immediately feels the arm around his waist holding him tighter.

“what are you doing?” minghao whispers at him.

“nothing.”

“doesn’t seem nothing.”

“sorry, i--”

“i’m not saying i didn’t like it, mingyu.” his hand goes to mingyu’s hip, his thumb carressing there. “you sure?”

“yeah.”

“you can stop anytime you want.”

“i know that, hao.”

minghao’s hand slides the side of his body and it burns. it’s been forever since mingyu was touched like this and he’s certain he won’t last long.

“you’re so hot, you know,” minghao whispers, his hand going under mingyu’s shirt and his groin pressing harder against mingyu’s ass. “i’ve touched myself so many times thinking about you.” he kisses his nape. “your taste and how you would look under me.”

mingyu lets a moan escape his throat, exposing a bit more of his neck to minghao.

“have you thought about this, mingyu?”

“yeah.”

“tell me.”

he swallows, trying to focus on his words and not on minghao’s hand playing with nipples.

“i think about your mouth on my cock, how beautiful you looked with my cum painting your lips.”

“what a dirty mouth, mingyu, i didn’t expect this of you.”

minghao scrapes his teeth lightly on mingyu’s vein, earning a groan.

“you can mark me,” he whispers and minghao doesn’t waste any time, biting his neck and sucking at the skin. mingyu arches his back, moaning loudly.

“i’m gonna mark you all up, show everyone that you’re mine.”

mingyu is so hard his neglected cock is starting to hurt.

minghao lets go of his neck and turns mingyu, kissing him hungrily, their groins pressing against each other. minghao moans and pulls mingyu’s hair.

"how do you wanna do this?"

"i want you to top me." mingyu feels himself blush.

"sure?"

"yeah," he curls his hand around minghao's neck and pulls him to another kiss. "wanna feel you."

"fuck, mingyu, you're gonna kill me."

"please don't die before you fuck me. I've waited for this for awhile."

"yeah?" a kiss on his lips. "been thinking about me fucking you until you scream?" a kiss on his jaw. "or maybe you've been thinking about riding me?" a kiss on his neck and then one more bite. mingyu’s neck would be mauled. "you'd look so pretty bouncing on my cock." a lick on his collarbone. "would also love to fuck you on all fours. this beautiful ass of yours deserves to be seen."

"can you seriously stop talking and fuck me?"

"aren't you desperate now?"

"i actually am, not even gonna pretend like i'm not."

minghao laughs softly against his skin before going back to his lips and kissing mingyu deeply.

"i'm desperate too," he whispers.

they undress each other and mingyu opens his drawer to get lube and a condom. he pops the bottle open and spreads it on minghao’s fingers. minghao kisses his hip, his index finger playing at mingyu’s rim.

"hao," he whispers, "i--"

"what is it?" he raises his eyes, dark with lust.

"i haven't been with anyone since yugyeom."

"don’t worry, i'll take care of you, baby." he punctuates his phrase with a kiss on his belly, nosing at the place after it. an action too soft for the moment.

"i know, I trust you."

minghao smiles.

  
  


“i don’t even wanna look at my neck,” mingyu says once they’re over, his head on minghao’s chest, their breaths eaved out. they should take a shower and change the sheets, but neither feels like getting up.

“you really should use only turtlenecks the next few days.”

“good thing is cold. i hope they disappear by the time i go home. really don’t feel like explaining to my parents.”

minghao laughs and kisses mingyu’s head.

“are you okay?”

“i mean, i’ll definitely gonna be sore, but i feel great. it was really good.”

“it was, indeed. you’re so hot, god, you should walk around with a non safe for work warning.”

mingyu lets out a loud laugh, his whole body shaking with the force of it.

“next time i really want you to ride me, i need to see you sitting on my cock.” minghao’s hand caresses mingyu’s side, sliding to his ass and grabbing it. mingyu feels his own cock twitches.

“can we at least wait a few hours for another round? i don’t have the stamina for one right now.” mingyu whines and minghao laughs, his hand releasing his ass and going back to his waist.

“how about breakfast? although it’s almost lunch time.”

“it’s always time for breakfast.”

it takes them fifteen more minutes to finally get up. they take a shower together and then make breakfast, eating on the couch while watching some cartoon. they end up skipping lunch altogether and having second and third rounds.

◇◇◇

it was bound to happen one day, although mingyu wished it wouldn't. he had briefly told minghao about his anxiety, about how it consumed him sometimes and had disappear once because of an attack (wonwoo had to call minghao and explain and he would never tell mingyu how minghao cried over the phone).

but since they were becoming closer each day that passed and spending more time in each other's place, it was a matter of time until it happened.

it's a sunny afternoon on a thursday when it does. minghao had a day off and went to mingyu's. he had been reading something on his phone, while mingyu sat on the floor, his laptop on his lap. he didn't tell minghao (he never knew how to talk about it with anyone else other than wonwoo) but his anxiety was bad the past few days. only two more weeks until he had to present his thesis and maybe get the title he worked so hard for.

like often happens, he doesn't realize when it starts. his hands are shaking a little while he tries to type and his breathing is hard. he feels like suffocating, his large t-shirt too tight, his sweatpants too close to his skin. his glasses get foggy with his tears and he feels them running down his cheeks.

for a long while at college he didn't know what he wanted to do with his diploma. did he want to work at a newspaper? maybe at a tv station? he didn't even know which part of journalism he liked the best. six months before his graduation, a teacher asked if he ever taught about an academic career. he didn't, but he grabbed at it with force, the familiarity of keeping studying and the ambient of university. it was safe, he felt safe.

now he feels like a farce. he never really wanted this, never felt like knowing his place, never had ambition nor any desires deep in his heart. he studied journalism because he liked writing, never loved it the way some of his classmates did. what exactly was he doing with his life? why he took a path he was unsure of?

his chest is cracking, not enough oxygen going inside his lungs. his lips tremble, his whole body shaking with the force of his sobs.

a hand grabs his nape and another holds his face. careful fingers touch him, smearing the tears, softly tracing his cheekbones. the ones on his nape interlace with his hair, rubbing the nails against his scalp.

he takes a deep breath and opens his eyes, staring at minghao. he looks worried, his face wet with tears. mingyu never wanted to see this image on minghao, especially not because of him.

"mingyu," he whispers.

something breaks, mingyu goes back to crying and minghao hugs him, pulling him close to his chest, holding him tightly. he doesn't say anything else, just let's mingyu put everything out, his hand caressing his back and bringing comfort.

it takes a few minutes for him to stop crying and become more aware of his surroundings. minghao has a hand on his nape, the other caressing his back slowly. his lips are pressed against his forehead and he’s humming a song lightly, mingyu can feel it on his chest more than can hear him. 

“i’m sorry,” he whispers.

“stop,” minghao tightens his arms around mingyu, “you don’t have to be sorry.”

“i don’t wanna worry you.”

mingyu pulls himself back, looking at the other boy.

“you can talk to me about it, mingyu. i won’t judge you, i’ll help if i can. if you want me to.”

he looks down. he never thought it would be so hard to talk to someone about it.

“wonwoo is the only one who knows about all the attacks,” he whispers, “well, and soonyoung too, since they’ve been together for so long.”

“how long it’s been? since you had this.”

“few years. it started at high school, but it became worse at college. me and wonwoo were roommates since freshman year.”

“that’s how you became friends?”

“it’s kinda hard not to become friends when someone holds you and gives you a shower at two in the morning. he was wonderful to me, i own him a lot.”

“you see, mingyu,” minghao holds his face with a hand and makes him look at him, “you don’t own anything to any of your friends. we do what we do because we love and care for you, it’s not an obligation.”

“i know he loves me but i feel like a burden. he, nor soonyoung or you, deserves someone so damaged like me.”

“shut up.”

mingyu shivers and tries to turn his face, but minghao continues to hold him.

“you’re not damaged because you have an anxiety disorder, you’re not lesser because of it. we’re not,” minghao rubs his thumb over mingyu’s cheek. “i’ve been depressed since i was fifteen, mingyu. i take so many pills just to be able to get up from bed everyday. i have worse and better days, sometimes it’s a battle that i feel like giving up and sometimes it’s so good that i wonder if i still need the pills. each day is different, but i’m taking care of myself and you should take care of yourself too.”

he kisses mingyu’s forehead.

“you’re not your disorder, mingyu, you’re so much more than this.”

mingyu starts crying again. even though wonwoo and soonyoung had helped him for so many years, no one ever told him he wasn’t defined by his disorder, by his anxiety. he feels like he has been drowning and someone has finally reached out a hand.

“i love you so much, mingyu,” minghao hugs him again, “i’m here for you.”

◇◇◇

mingyu defends his thesis and receives the maximum grade, the evaluation board clapping and congratulating him for his amazing work.

he leaves university and goes straight to therapy for the first time.

◇◇◇

“hey, mingyu, i’m glad that you are here, i’ve been wanting to talk to you,” jisoo says when mingyu and minghao steps inside seungcheol’s place. the eldest holds mingyu’s arm and pulls him aside. “you’ve finished your masters, right?”

“yeah, i got a ten.”

“that’s amazing! congratulations.” jisoo opens a huge smile and hugs him.

“thank you, hyung.” mingyu smiles back.

“what have you been doing now? you still work on that online blog?”

“yeah, why?”

“so, i know someone who works in an investigative journalism agency and they’ve been looking for someone to work with them. are you interested? i can at least get you a conversation with him or something.”

“sure, hyung, i’d love to.”

“great! i’ll give him your number, so answer any call you receive in the next few days, okay?”

“okay, thank you, hyung.”

“it’s no problem,” he dismisses mingyu. “c’mon now, let’s get you a beer.”

the night goes smoothly, the thirteen of them reunited, minghao asking for a toast to congratulate mingyu on finishing his thesis. he’s shy, but all of his friends hug him and tells what an amazing work he did. he feels good inside.

going to therapy was a decision he finally took a few weeks before. hearing minghao telling how he wasn’t damaged made him realize that his mental health was as important as working out and eating healthy. it was difficult and his first session was a mix of silence and stuttering phrases. his therapist though had been kind, knowing how to lead the conversation and now mingyu was feeling more comfortable, finally starting to talk about himself.

he had thought about going to therapy before, but he had felt ashamed, like he was weaker for needing professional help. when he told the therapist this, she had smiled and said, _how does taking care of yourself make you weaker? for me it only makes you stronger._

mingyu imprinted that phrase on his brain and whenever he felt like giving up he thought about it.

before the first session, minghao had texted him a simple _i love you and i’m proud of you_ and he almost cried before going inside. he still wasn’t used to hearing his boyfriend (because, yes, they had finally decided to make their relationship official) say those words. of course minghao knew it and would tease him saying it in random moments only to watch him blush.

(“you know, you don’t have to say that you love me for me to know that you do,” minghao says one night when they are watching _she-ra and the princesses of power._ “i know you feel kinda awkward when you do.”

“you deserve to hear it, though.”

“baby, you show me everyday how much you love me by your actions, you don’t have to say the actual words.”)

mingyu looks ahead and admires the way minghao is laughing with chan and seungkwan. his hair is a little shorter, the black mullet that made mingyu feel hot inside every single time gone (although minghao promised he would have it again). he has dark bags under his eyes because of all the work during fashion weeks, having to travel to china, japan and france. he was still feeling a little of the jet lag, but he insisted on going to seungcheol’s.

after everyone was drinking, talking and eating the pizza they ordered, jeonghan finally gets up and calls for their attention. mingyu sees jisoo smiling, stars on his eyes while looking at his boyfriend (mingyu wonders if he’s the same when he looks at minghao).

“well, i’m sure you are all wondering why we called you here today. we have an announcement.” he stops. “jisoo, are you really letting me do everything?”

“you’re doing great, honey, keep going,” jisoo says while sipping his beer and everyone laughs.

“you’re so annoying.”

“you better get used to it since you’ll be dealing with me for the rest of your life.”

“wait,” soonyoung says and gets up at the same time seungkwan points at jeonghan and yells,

“you two are getting married!”

“yah! stop ruining the moment, boo seungkwan!”

they all start to scream at the same time, congratulating and hugging the couple. although it wasn’t like jeonghan wanted, he looks overjoyed. mingyu sits back at the couch next to seungcheol, wonwoo following him.

“hyung,” wonwoo says, leaning over mingyu, “did you already know?”

“yeah, they told me last week.”

“are you okay?” mingyu whispers.

“i am. i’m really happy for them, i love them so deeply.”

“i thought the three of you were together.”

“i slept with them a lot of times but i always knew that what they feel for each other...there’s no space left for me. truth is, i had my shot, with both of them, and it didn’t work out.”

“i’m sorry, hyung,” mingyu holds his hand.

“thank you, mingyu, but i’m really okay. i’m the best man, i’m already planning the wedding with them. life goes on, i’ll get over them eventually.” he arches his eyebrow towards wonwoo. “i always thought you and soonyoung would be the first ones to get married.” wonwoo scoffs.

“we’re practically married already, we don’t really need a paper to confirm it.”

“soonyoung doesn’t want it? he seems like the type.”

“surprisingly, no. he was the first one to say that it doesn’t matter.”

“what about you and minghao, mingyu?”

“hyung, we started dating like, a month ago,” he whines and seungcheol laughs.

“are you happy?”

“yeah, i am.”

“good, you deserve to be happy, mingyu. minghao is a great guy.”

“he is.” he says. jisoo is telling minghao and hansol how jeonghan cried like a baby when jisoo proposed. minghao catches his eyes and smiles.

seungcheol pats his shoulder and gets up, getting one more beer, then moving close to junhui and jihoon to talk. wonwoo leans and whispers at mingyu.

“jihoon told soonyoung that last week seungcheol showed up at his doorstep completely drunk, sobbing and saying that he let the loves of his life escape.” mingyu sighs.

“it will take time, but he’ll get over them, i’m sure.”

“like you got over yugyeom?” wonwoo wiggles his eyebrows and mingyu laughs loudly.

“exactly. it took me a while, but now i’m really over him. i think someday we’ll be able to be friends again.”

“have you been hanging out with the group again?”

“yeah, all of them except for yugyeom. bambam said that he wasn’t ready yet and i’ll give him time. my therapist said that it isn’t because he was the one to break up that it’s easier for him.”

“i never thought i’d hear you quote your therapist,” wonwoo giggles. “what a character development.”

“shut up,” he pushes wonwoo. “it’s been really good. i’ve missed all of them. two days ago we went to itaewon and i took minghao, he really got along with them, especially jaehyun and eunwoo. by the end of the night they were even following each other on social media and exchanging phone numbers.”

“talking about me?” they look up and see minghao.

“i heard you met 97line.”

“they’re cool. too cool for mingyu, actually,” he answers and sits on mingyu’s lap, putting an arm around his shoulder.

“i totally agree,” soonyoung also comes to them and throws himself at wonwoo, making him groan. “when do you guys travel to china?”

“on the 13th. the wedding is two days after.” mingyu leans his head on minghao’s shoulder, hugging him on the waist.

“how long you’re staying there?”

“three weeks, i’m introducing mingyu to my family and then we’ll travel around a bit.”

“nervous, mingyu?” wonwoo asks.

“just a little.”

“they’ll love you, it’s impossible not to,” minghao says and kisses mingyu’s cheek.

“you know, mingyu, you always said that me and wonwoo were disgusting but i think the two of you are worse.”

mingyu laughs and kisses minghao, making soonyoung yell at them and hit them on the shoulders.

◇◇◇

“that’s yukhei,” minghao points and mingyu looks at the tall guy with the brightest smile he has ever seen. “and besides him it’s hendery.”

“they are really cute.”

“they are crazy. seriously. yukhei was always like that, but i think hendery made him really show his true colors, you know? they’re so similar it’s scary.” mingyu laughs.

“are we going to talk to them?”

“yeah, let’s just wait a bit, everyone is going right now.”

minghao’s idea gets crushed when yukhei sees him and yells, running and throwing himself at minghao, almost knocking him over.

“please don’t kill me on your wedding day,” minghao says in chinese, his voice muffled by yukhei’s chest.

“i’m so happy you came! hendery, come here!” he lets minghao go just for him to be hugged again by hendery.

“gege! i thought you wouldn’t come.”

“i’d never miss your wedding, what do you think of me?”

“is that the famous mingyu?” yukhei asks in korean and pulls mingyu to a hug when minghao confirms it. “thank you for coming, man! i’m glad to finally meet you.”

“so do i. the wedding was beautiful, congratulations.” he says and also hugs hendery.

“are you guys flying back to seoul anytime soon?”

“no, we’ll be in the city for a week.”

“great, let’s hang out then. mingyu, i’ll show you all the good places and i also have a bunch of pictures of minghao as a teenager.”

“yah, yukhei, c’mon,” he whines. “burn those pictures.”

“never.” he holds hendery’s arm. “we’ll see you two later. eat and drink a lot please, it was expensive. also, minghao, kun-ge is already here with ten-ge.”

“we’ll look for them.”

they look at them walking over to an elderly couple and minghao pinches mingyu’s cheek.

“were you more nervous at meeting yukhei than meeting my parents?”

“will it be weird if i say yes?”

“kinda, but i understand.”

someone minghao knows comes to him and mingyu observes the two talking in quick chinese.

for so long, mingyu thought he was unloveable and didn’t deserve happiness. he thought he was broken and his mental disorder proved that he was damaged. when minghao came into his life so much changed. not because of him, but because he said things that made mingyu think. and those thoughts became actions. it made him go back to painting, it made him work hard for the interview jisoo got him and, after, made him fall in love with his new work, feeling like, _finally,_ he was on the right path. it made him look out for his friends again and go into therapy. it was like minghao flicked the stitch he needed to begin functioning again.

he was thankful for minghao and he was thankful for himself. if he could, he would hug his younger self and tell him everything would be okay. he would be okay.

“earth to mingyu,” he hears and blinks, looking over to minghao. “what were you thinking about?”

“nothing much,” he shrugs and smiles. “i love you.”

“ew, gross.” he twitches his nose, before smiling and leaning to kiss mingyu. “c’mon, let’s look for kun and ten.”

“lead the way.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading it!
> 
> mingyu’s thesis is a [real published phd thesis](http://etheses.lse.ac.uk/4198/).
> 
> the artists mingyu and minghao saw in the exhibition are real, although the exhibition itself is not. you can find more on [this website](https://www.artistaslatinas.com.br/artistas-1) about women artists from latin america. although the website is in portuguese, you can check their names and a little of their art. there are amazing ones there and i’m sure you’ll like them!
> 
> i always like to put idols from other groups on my stories, so the ones mentioned are:  
> \- astro: eunwoo  
> \- bts: jeongguk  
> \- f(x): victoria  
> \- got7: bambam, jackson, yugyeom  
> \- nct/wayv: hendery, kun, jaehyun, sicheng (winwin), ten, yukhei (lucas), yuta  
> \- twice: jihyo, mina, momo, sana, tzuyu  
> \- uniq: yibo (also an actor, most known for the untamed)
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/bibidibloo)


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